


The Auntie Trap

by PrincessDianaArtemis



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: 101 Dalmatians References, Adam Young Ships Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Alternate Universe - Human, Aunt Aziraphale, Aunt Crowley, Aziraphale & Anathema Device Friendship, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale is Good With Kids (Good Omens), Baker Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Warlock Dowling, Crowley is Good With Kids (Good Omens), Crowley is a Mess (Good Omens), F/F, First Dates, Ineffable Wives | Female Aziraphale/Female Crowley (Good Omens), Matchmaking, Meet-Cute, Mutual Pining, Parent Trap Plan, Thick Aziraphale, Warlock Dowling Joins The Them, Witch Anathema, children matchmaking, romance tropes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:55:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27186208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessDianaArtemis/pseuds/PrincessDianaArtemis
Summary: Identical nephews and a misunderstanding in the park leads to a chance meeting between Antonia Crowley and Azra Fell.With young children playing matchmaker and pining on the side, when will these two notice they're head over teakettle for each other?
Relationships: Anathema Device & The Them (Good Omens), Aziraphale & Adam Young (Good Omens), Aziraphale & Anathema Device, Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale & Deirdre Young, Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley & Harriet Dowling, Crowley & Warlock Dowling, The Them & Adam Young (Good Omens), Warlock Dowling & Adam Young, Warlock Dowling & The Them (Good Omens)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 41
Collections: Ineffable Wives Exchange 2020





	The Auntie Trap

**Author's Note:**

  * For [miss_minnelli](https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_minnelli/gifts).



> My gift for miss-minnelli...so much pressure here....
> 
> Based a little on the Parent Trap and 101 Dalmatians.

The park was overcrowded to begin with. Everyone was soaking in the rays of this warm, dry summer day before summer storms blew it away. Little children poured out of the edges of the wood-sprinkled playground as their caretakers enjoyed a moment away in shadier corners.

Among the crowd of playing children, two young boys met and, with the carefree nature of all children whose life-goal is to play, became instant friends. They shared a birthday, the same shade of hair, and almost the same color of eyes - and when the other kids started asking if they were twins, the two couldn’t ignore the prank and solemnly said that yes, of course they were. 

Warlock Dowling, sneaky and careful, and Adam Young, precocious and mischievous, found themselves running underneath the plastic equipment as they played a game of pirates.

“We’re gonna be twins forever and ever, right ‘Lock?”

The matching blond head nodded, “Uh-huh.”

And with their agreement locked in juvenile promise, the two continued to run through the playground and out of the boundaries onto the grassy area beyond.

~~ 0 ~~

Antonia Crowley would never admit that she loved the days she was around her nephew - nor that she was a little rough with him. Not after that time that her sister caught her pinning the boy during one of his tantrums. But her favorite nephew needed a tougher hand, and she wasn’t gonna back down if she knew he could take it.

And if there was anyone that knew him best, it was her.

She sensed something wrong when she couldn’t catch a glimpse of the dirty blond hair running around the sticky plastic of the playground and stood, covered eyes scanning the crowded expanse of mirth to catch a glimpse of that sweat-darkened hair. 

“Honestly,” she muttered when she caught a glimpse of a familiar head. “Slippery little devil. And he’s gone off too far.”

Her heels clicked on the sidewalk and she could feel the eyes of exhausted mothers turning to her as she made her way across with heels that could’ve broken anyone’s ankle on the difficult ground. But she paid them no mind, she had a little nephew to deal with.

As Antonia approached, she noticed that the usually surly little boy had made a friend and a smile curled her painted lips before she trained her expression into a mockery of her sister’s stern expression.

“That’s enough of that,” she said, grabbing the back of the running boy’s shirt. “You went away without permission, so that must mean you’re bored. Let’s go.”

Under her fingers, the boy squirmed to escape, kicking up dirt in his attempt, “Hey, stop. Let go of me.”

She was surprised by his attitude, “That’s enough, Hellspawn. We’ve got to go.”

“No,” replied the boy, a loud and angry note as he continued to pull away as she moved forward.

~~ 0 ~~

Nose buried in a book, another aunt sat under a tree, shade dappling her white-blonde curls. Azra Fell was enraptured by the words of Wolfe and hadn’t really been paying that much attention to her own ward’s whereabouts. 

That is, not until she heard him give a loud yell that made her look up, worried, and catch a glimpse of a stranger dragging her nephew away.

Fury sparked in her chest and she hurried to her feet, leaving book and basket behind as she hurried down the field towards the stunningly gorgeous woman and struggling boy.

“Unhand him,” she said, trying to catch up with them, “I said, let go of him. I will call the police if you don’t do what I say.”

Across the field, Azra noticed a small blur of a child running down the hill towards them, but her full attention was on the scene before her. The woman stopped and turned towards her, amused tilt on those tantalizing red lips.

“No offence, but this is a family matter.”

Azra’s fury reignited and her chest swelled with it, “You’re absolutely right. It  _ is  _ a family matter. Which is why you should unhand my nephew.”

“ _ Your _ nephew? I think you’re confused. This one’s mine.”

From Azra’s elbow, a boisterous, young voice answered, “Nuh-uh, Auntie Crow, you grabbed my friend a’cidently.”

Both women looked down at the little boy who’d spoken up and Azra’s surprised at just how much he looks like Adam though she knew that he was being held by the woman across from her. For her part, the woman looked like she’d lost all her color as her sunglasses-covered eyes turned to the boy in her clutches and she released him with a start.

“Oh, for  _ ssssomebody’s _ ssake, I’m sorry kid,” she said, hissing around the esses. “I thought you were Warlock. And you,” she turns to Azra, the once cocky expression replaced by the red across her face, “You must think I’m a horrible person. I sssswear I thought it was  _ my  _ nephew. Trust me, the last thing I want to do is kidnap.”

Under the full attention of the woman, Azra felt embarrassed herself, “It’s quite alright, I believe you. Anyone could’ve gotten confused at first glance. Just look at them.”

The two friends watched their aunt’s exchange with wide-blue eyes, ping-ponging between them.

“Sssstill, I’m so embarrassed. How was I so ssstupid to not have noticed he was fighting me so much and - ”

Azra grabbed the wringing hands as the nails almost left marks on the light-tanned skin, “My dear, it’s alright. No harm, no foul. You would’ve returned him eventually - once you realized what a handful Adam is.”

Adam made an indignant sound, but was ignored as the two women continued to talk:

“Not as much as ‘Lock is. You would’ve been pulling at that beautiful hair by the time I came to get him. ‘M Antonia -  _ Crowley…  _ kid calls be Auntie Crow.”

“Azra Fell, pleasure to meet you dear - regardless of the circumstances,” said Azra with a wide smile that caught Antonia by surprise. “No harm, no foul. Just something that could’ve happened to anyone.”

Antonia swallowed, mouth dry, “I, um, of course. Still, I feel like I should make it up to you both. Can I buy you some ice-cream, at least?”

Adam and Warlock lit up, “Ice cream?”

“Only if it’s okay with your aunt,” said Antonia, tilting her head so she could see Azra without the cover of her glasses.

After the initial surprise at the golden eyes watching her, Azra pouted in mock-thought, “I  _ suppose  _ that would be a nice bribe. Lead the way, dear.”

~~ 0 ~~

As the two women sat under the tree where Azra had dropped all her belongings, the boys watched them. 

“Your Auntie’s kinda weird,” said Adam. “But she makes Aunt Azi laugh.”

Warlock shrugged, “Auntie Crow’s the only one that gets me. She’s cool. And I think she likes your Auntie, ‘Ve never seen her so giggly.”

As if cued, Antonia tilted her head back and gave a loud bark of laughter, eliciting a joyful wiggle from her companion before continuing their conversation like normal. The two of them were sitting facing each other, knees touching where they folded, and ice cream almost forgotten in their hands. 

“Aunt Azi isn’t even paying attention to her vanilla cone,” Adam said, then a spark of mischief shone in his eyes. “Does your Auntie have a boyfriend?”

Warlock laughed, “My Auntie says boys are gross. She doesn’t have a girlfriend either. And Daddy always says that she's going to be a aging spin’ter.”

“What’s that?”

“I don’t know,” said Adam with a shrug, “that’s just what he calls Auntie Crow. I don’t want her to be a spin’ter.”

Adam shook his shaggy head, “I don’t want my Aunt to be that either. I have a plan.”

“What?”

“What if we help our aunts get together? If they get married we’d really be related and we’d get to play together all the time.”

Warlock’s face matched Adam’s in excitement, “Yeah! Let’s do it,” then he hesitated, “How’re we gonna do that?”

Adam’s nose scrunched up, freckles melting into each other, then he lit up again, “Aunt Azi! I wanna have a playdate with Warlock.”

Azra looked away from Antonia, a slow pull to glance at Adam, “Love, aren’t you having a playdate now?”

A pout, similar to Azra’s pulled Adam’s lip, “Yeah, but, I mean next week. I want him to meet the Them and Dog and ‘Nathama. Please, Aunt Azi?”

Azra glanced over at Antonia, “We’d have to ask your mother - and Warlock’s mother as well.”

Antonia shrugged, “We don’t need to. I’ll bring the little Hellspawn. Harriet gives him over to me at least once a week. How about Wednesday? We can meet up - ”

“At mine,” Azra interrupted, blushing. “The kids like using my backyard anyway. We can have tea while they play, if you’d like, of course.”

“I like, angel. Better than sitting alone while the little demon runs all his energy out.”

Azra gave another pleased wiggle, “Then it’s a date.”

“It’s a date.”

~~ 0 ~~

Adam, Warlock, and the Them (Adam’s friend-group) were peeking through the window to catch a glimpse of the women seated in the kitchen.

“Are you sure that they’ll fall in love?” asked Brian, the tallest of the Them. “Seems like a hard thing to do.”

“Have you ever seen Aunt Azi that happy?” Adam asked back, right as she hid a giggle behind her hand. “I mean, when it’s not about her newest food ‘speriment or book.”

Pepper, the only girl of the group nodded, “Azi’s what my mum calls ‘head over teakettle’ for ‘Lock’s Auntie.”

Warlock beamed, “‘N Auntie Crow couldn’t stop talking about Azi,” he straightened out and posed like his aunt, “Oh, ‘Lockie, she’s an angel. Her hair, her face, her smile, bleh, it’s gross.”

“Gross,” agreed Adam, nose scrunched. “But now we’re one step closer to being related.”

“Okay. Can we go play now?” asked Pepper. “Their giggling  _ is  _ making me sick.”

With a nod of his bushy head, Adam assented and the group of them ran off into the yard without a second glance at their little mission.

~~ 0 ~~

Antonia could see the curious eyes of the group of kids from where they were peeking into the window and she smirked into her coffee cup.

“I think the kids are spying on us,” she said to Azra, then stopped her with a touch on the wrist from turning around. “Don’t let them know we notice them. It’ll bruise their egos.”

Azra’s curious hazel eyes glanced down at the spindly fingers on her pulse and hoped the erratic beating wasn’t noticeable, “And you know so much about kids how?”

“Guess I’ve always been one,” shrugged Antonia. “And you? How’d you get stuck with your nephew, his dog, and the Them?”

“They like the fact that I don’t treat them like babies,” Azra said. “They’re clever enough to not need me to coddle them - and I think they like that I make them food.”

Antonia peeked at her above the glasses, “Oh? You cook?”

“And bake - they get most of that though,” her heart had skipped a beat at the sight of molten gold eyes. “W-would you like to try some?”

An eyebrow raise was all she got as a response so she slid her hand away from Antonia’s loose grip, a blush crawling up the woman’s neck as she realized where her hand had remained. Azra smiled and moved to the counter, standing on her tiptoes to reach the jar of cookies nestled in its cabinet.

Antonia, sitting there, prayed to whatever deity would listen that she wasn’t drooling at the stretch of those cute pants over a cuter rear-end. What she wouldn’t do to press herself against that softness.

“Here we go, dear,” said Azra, turning around to present a jar of porcelain to a flustered Antonia. “I made these yesterday knowing that I’d have guests over. They’re a mixture of chocolate chips and strawberry shortcake cookies - they’re the Them’s favorite combination.”

Long, black nailed fingers picked out a pair of cookies and handed one over, “I won’t eat one by myself. Join me?”

“If you’re sure.”

The two toasted their cookies and took a bite out. Antonia watched the happy wiggle of the woman across from her, then almost choked at the sinful sound that broke the silence around them. Azra was oblivious to Antonia’s struggle as her closed eyes creased her skin and she let out a hum before opening her eyes.

Azra’s smile dropped, “Oh…you don’t like it?”

Golden eyes widened, “No, angel, they’re delicious. I was just…savoring it.”

The cookie that had lifted towards the pursed lips stopped through the air as pink dusted Azra’s face, “Oh,” she said, another pleased wiggle. “Angel?”

“Ngk,” eked out Antonia, her blush back full-force, “Sorry. I’ll stop if you mind.”

“No,” Azra said quickly, “I’ll - I’ll get used to it. I think it’s cute.”

Antonia bit back the desire to answer ‘I think  _ you’re _ cute’ by biting down on the cookie, “‘S good, ‘ngel. Sh’d make me some’ng s’mt’me.”

“Of course, my dear. I’ll plan something just for you.”

~~ 0 ~~

For the next month, Azra and Antonia found themselves meeting once a week for their nephew’s playdates, growing fonder of the other by the hour - then turning up at their respective sister’s house to return their child and wax poetry:

“Harriet, she’s an  _ angel _ . And she cooks, but the way she  _ eats  _ distracts me more than that. I’ve never seen anyone so gorgeous in my life. I’m not religious but,  _ damn _ , would I get on my knees and worship.”

A sigh burst from Harriet Dowling’s lips, “ _ Toni _ , honestly, can you watch your mouth? My kid’s around here somewhere. And if you don’t ask her out, I’m gonna put us out of our misery and ask her out for you myself.”

Antonia whined, giving a little stomp with those incredible heels, “Harry, you don’t understand. She’s this cherub and I’m twiggy, and hellish - she’s not gonna want someone like me.”

“Toni, honestly,” called Thad Dowling’s voice from the other room. “The fact that you found someone is a miracle unto itself. Get a date before it’s too late - you might not end up an old maid after all.”

“Bite me, Thad,” said Antonia, before turning a red pout at Harriet. “You really think she’d say yes?”

Harriet gave her sister a hug, “Love, she’d be mad not to.”

“My dear, Deirdre, is it possible for someone to be so stunning and kind and be  _ real _ ? Antonia is everything I’ve ever read about come to life. What have I done to deserve such a prize?”  Azra’s face was alight with the rosiness of a blush, hazel eyes hazy in remembrance.

Deirdre Young was glad that her sister had found love, but she was growing tired of the weekly odes to this red-haired siren, especially since she had yet to meet and get an idea of what this woman wanted from her sister.

“Azi, dear,” said Deirdre, eyes rolling. “I’m  _ so _ happy for you. But frankly, if you don’t ask her out soon I’m afraid I’ll have to sic Anathema to do it for you. We’re all tired of this little dance of yours.”

“Oh,” pouted Azra, blushing. “But Dee, how could someone like her ever be interested in me? She could be a supermodel - hell, I think she was - and I’m -  _ soft _ .”

Deirdre hmphed, “I curse the day that Gabriel ever said that to you. If he weren’t in America right now I’d kick his arse from here back over to NYC. Arthur,” she said and turned to her husband, “tell Azi she’s being ridiculous.”

The man’s eyes peeked over the newspaper in his hands and glanced between the two women. He cleared his throat, “Erm, of course you are Azra. You deserve good things and it’s time for you to take care of someone other than your family. If she’s that amazing, just - ask her to dinner. Hell,  _ make _ her dinner.”

Azra looked sheepish, “You - you really think she’ll accept?”

“Of course,” Deirdre said with a little sniff, “She’s a fool if she doesn’t.”

~~ 0 ~~

The Them, and Warlock, had been doing their own part of matchmaker. They’d been watching movies, icky romantics that Adam’s mother always watched, to get ideas on how to get them together. Pepper, never patient with the ‘misogynistic standard of romance movies that a woman needs a man to be happy’, chose to watch over her little sister’s Disney movies and pick up ideas there. 

They sent Dog to do their dirty work of one, tripping Antonia into Azra’s plush arms and they high-fived one another when the two stayed holding each other for a bit longer than normal. And they felt quite guilty, but did it nonetheless, when they trapped Azi in the bracken waters around their hideout so that Antonia would have to come rescue her. 

Every plan was foolproof, and successful, what they didn’t count on was the stubbornness of the Aunties.

“We’re running out of movie stuff,” said Wensley, the last of the Them. “This is harder than it looks.”

Adam frowned, “Maybe we can get ‘Nathema to make a love potion. She’s got tons of stuff like that at her store.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Pepper said. “You’ve  _ seen _ the movies. Love potions don’t work if you’re already in love with someone.”

“Can we get ‘Nathama’s help anyway. I’m tired of waiting,” whined Warlock, then frowned. “Also, who’s ‘Nathama?”

‘Nathama turned out to be Azra’s best friend, and local witch, Anathema Device, who was a little surprised to see the crowd of kids cycling towards her shop.

“Uh-oh,” she said, smiling. “What trouble did you get into today, Adam?”

He smiled up at him, dimples deep in his face, “No trouble, ‘Nathema, but we need your help. It’s about Aunt Azi.”

Anathema’s eyes widened behind her large, round glasses, “Oh? What did Azra do now? She hasn’t told me of anything new. Well except for - ”

“My Auntie Toni,” piped up Warlock, drawing her attention towards him. “I’m Warlock.”

“Ah,” said Anathema. “I see. Come in kids, let’s see what we can do to help Azi with her hopeless crush…and I guess we’ll be helping your Auntie too, right Warlock?”

He nodded, “Yeah, she’s head over - over- ”

“Teakettle, ‘Lock,” finished Pepper with an eye-roll. “Head over teakettle.”

Anathema laughed, a deep rolling from deep within, “Okay, kids. You tell me your plans and I’ll see if I can talk some sense into our silly ol’ Azzie. Love you, dearies, but I’m sure that you guys know that there’s a limit to what she understands. Come, come. Let’s get a witches brew going.” 

~~ 0 ~~

A month and a half after the two crashed into each other’s lives, the two of them sat under the shade of the apple trees at the border of Azra’s property enjoying the dappled light and the sound of Dog chasing after the group of kids. As the tray of fruits diminished between them, Antonia sobered their conversation.

“Azi,” said Antonia, pulling off her glasses to reveal her gold eyes. She reached over and grabbed one of Azra’s hands before sliding her hand away, “I have something to ask you.”

Azra’s smile slipped into a thin, worried line, “Yes, my dear? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong. Actually, everything’s been fantastic, but that’s why I have to ask,” Antonia said, fiddling with the temple tips of her glasses, “Angel, you’re perfect - or near perfect - and this month has been the best of my life so would you - I mean you can say no, obviously, and hopefully we could be friends after, but - I’d really like for us - ”

“Toni,” interrupted Azra, she grabbed the twitching hands and turned her small smile at her nervous friend, “are you trying to ask me out on a date?”

Antonia nodded, blushing to the tips of her ears.

Azra’s smile widened into a bright beam and she leaned forward to press a kiss onto Antonia’s sharp cheekbone.

“Ngk, dinner?” eked out the blushing Antonia.

“Sounds perfect.”

And there they sat, in the shade of a cooling Summer afternoon, hands pressed against one another’s and faces dreamy with the promise of what was to come.

When the group of kids came back from their hideout, they slumped with relief at the sight they returned to: Azi and Antonia, hands still clasped between them, and leaning more against each other than the wide trunk of the apple tree behind them.

“Finally,” said Pepper, loud enough that the women raised their heads to look at them. “See, Anathema was right.”

Adam scratched the back of his head, “I guess, but it doesn’t make sense. How does leaving them alone work?”

The five kids just shared a look and shrugged - it was far too difficult to figure out the minds of stubborn adults in love. They hoped they never had to play matchmaker again.


End file.
